yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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