I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
