worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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