I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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