I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
