I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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