Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize