Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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