I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
