Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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