I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
