now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
