Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
do nipples grow back?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
