it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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