Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
