i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
