u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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