Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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