I can tuck mytits in my pants
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
