I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
