I skipped work to stalk him.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
