If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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