On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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