Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
We need to get me chipped asap
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
