I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Randomize
