She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
