my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
sex in a hospital.. check
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
