I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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