:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I have demons in me.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
