shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
