Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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