I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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