I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
