Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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