I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
