We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
