The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Randomize
