I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
