Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
