My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
