With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
