he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
apparently the secret to your success is patron
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
