I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
