His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
