You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
