If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
