Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize