Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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