take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize