Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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