Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
