Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
