You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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