after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
i need some magic done to my vagina
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
ok first of all what the fuck
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
