Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
