You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
