i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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