Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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