just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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