i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
