butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
