I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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