I've blown a few things in my day
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
