That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
