you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
My pussy is not your playground.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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