this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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