I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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