just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
