im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
