You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
