things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
