Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
