Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
